Told you so

define what's within

if i ain't got you baby

i'm huiwen.
eighteen.
28march91.
attached <3.
redfoxventures.
temasekpolytechnic

AHKEI BOMB PRIS AMANDA ANDRINA HANGQI WANLING KEN FATASS NAVJOTH TOHWEE EDDIE SHAWN NICHOLAS CHEN

February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 April 2011

Thursday, August 27, 2009, 10:29 PM

i feel so threatening when im bombing in the toilet and feeling that fainting urge.
i mean faint because im unwell not because im going my great business. it's like you are going to black out but you are suffering churning in your intestine, feeling many intestinal tanglings. keeping conscious while doing some irreversible events is tough.

last will: before i die, i dont wish to end up in the toilet.

7 + 11 = ?

Sunday, August 23, 2009, 10:47 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR!

Presents : a bag pack for school use [swear to god that it is not any cheapo brand] and a baby bottle containing a birthday card buried with small balloons.

lunch: @ Tony Roma's

Neoprint session @ bugis parco

our very first neoprint (: although i kept pesting him to go for a neoprint session. Again he was trying to run away from it after promising me. HAHAHA. i caught you :D

LUNCH @ Tony Roma's (suntec city)

i chose to sit by the window because i can have good views of some 5 stars hotels.

heeehee.

look at his hungry look..you know what? he claimed that it was the hungry ghost festival so he was trying to say i was the hungry ghost. see who's the hungry one?

CAUGHT! he couldnt wait to start

hello to Carolina honey ribs (: a tinge of orange is well compatible with the roasted ribs :D
i told zhengwei that half slab with two other side dishes is enough to make him bloated. but he felt that it didnt look filling. so well, HAHA, here go his combo - chicken leg with tony roma's ret hots (half slab). he realised that his stomach was going 3/4 full and he was yet to finish his mashed potato and half slab of ribs. LOL! he began to come out with a strategic planning by give me 2 small piece of the slab. HAHAHA!
before that, i asked if he is serious about ordering drinks.
good to see that he actually enjoyed dinning in tony roma's and he claimed that the corn is well steamed. which i think it's just so-so. he saw oil oozing out of the mashed potato. he was slightly disgusted thinking that oil was added. mozzarella was the main culprit which secretly stores fats in it. cute. isnt he?

no matter what you people say-cute, pimpled, small eyes or handsome, he will always look perfect to me :D

COOOOLzZ. today i managed to get him to take neoprints, to take photos and to shop with me :D

i felt so accomplished but another thing to worry is that i have not done a complete revision of tomorrow tested subject D:

Freehand drawing

Saturday, August 22, 2009, 9:32 PM

this is for pris to see. here you go. and see if i deserve that kind of grade..HMPH D:

all drawn with markers or carbon chalks because freehand drawing doesnt allow erasing.

TAMAGOTCHI

BLANKO

ROLLER BLADE

POOL

NIKE WATER BOTTLE

KODAK EKTACHROME 64 (1)

KODAK EKTACHROME 64 (2)

SONY CYBERSHOT DSC-W80

VIOLIN

VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE CAR (my dream car)

GLASS WING BUTTERFLY (1)

GLASS WINGBUTTERFLY (2)

DIASY (1) - applied light sketches

DIASY (2)

DIASY (3)

PORTRAIT DRAWING with CARBON CHALKS

FINAL PROJECT (1) - Temasek Polytechnic

ORIGINAL SOURCE

DRAWN (1)

DRAWN (2)

FINAL PROJECT (2) - it's submitted to the design admin, it's use of 2 technics for two of a kind. i drew violins.

FINAL PROJECT (3) - DESIGN 25 (Theme: oriental opera masks)

afterall putting so much effort, i dont deserve what i should get for my portfolio.

luckily the effort for my final projects have paid off (:

somtimes..

Friday, August 21, 2009, 9:52 PM

it's not even some effort you have tried.
RAR. sometimes..
not that i did nothing. it's just that i did everything but nothing is to your liking.

shit. this is -.=

when im holding on to your pinkie

Monday, August 17, 2009, 11:45 PM

how about a long journey to school when you and your lovely loved are spending quality time together?
i might be sleeping and knocking my head on his shoulder or chest..but that's the sweetest moment because he doesnt mind me leaning on him for a short nap.

i like it when he crazily asks for a hug at the bus stop before we go up the bridge. i will constantly remind him to eat the breakfast i made..usually whole grain bread with skin and i know he doesnt like bread skin and ingredients are usually weird but good mouthfeel and taste refreshing (:
he might be thinking that im so freaking naggy but he still says i love you when we are going to our individual school.

nearly every morning, we do this..over and over again. and weird thing is..it's some kind of enjoyment :D

sometimes i will cry badly because im stucked and call him up. he will always put 50 percent of his concentration to hear what im going to say and 50 percent on some soccer match or WWE.
but i know he can always get a summary (: that's something cool although i force him to listen and repeat what i have said and he doesnt care much. HAHAHA.

the cutest moment is that he will always suprise me with small stuff like my favourite, yakult original, hello kitty 35 yrs collection, a big heart shaped lollipop. and then he would just pass it to me. he wont elaborate on why he get it, how he get it and never complain if it's hard to get out of his busy schedule.

at times, he will whine about how tired he is, how much he miss me, how sad/mad he is. it might seems gay to others. but i feel that it is good to have someone who you can take care of and come to realise that he is just like a pre-schooler . HAHA CUTE.

so whenever we are about to let go our hands, we are still holding on to our pinkies. in a state of felicity <3

saturday fever

Saturday, August 15, 2009, 10:24 PM

i cooked spagetti with spicy cod roe sauce. overall ..average?

and a sausage :D

this is something that i wrote it for zhengwei :D didnt know it was so cool-y wrote. like wow-okay.
anyway that's for him during our first year anniversary.

this is just too much

Friday, August 14, 2009, 7:18 PM

i really cant stand people screaming at me.
trying to explain and got put down. No other people other than my mum and dad can scream at me.. even they scream at me without good reasons, i dont give face.

so please stop it. i hate it and feel threatened when you raise your voice to tell me off.

everyone has temper. dont vent your frustration on me. im TIRED.

when you have a family with alot of siblings..

Monday, August 10, 2009, 2:11 AM

how you feel being the middle one out of all 5 siblings and in academic wise, you are not the best or the worst?

let's have a small introduction..

dad - got kick out of school since 13 but he's now a great businessman who gives inspirational talks.

mum - educational level up to secondary 4 not even a graduate.

eldest brother - graduated from ITE engineering, but not working in this field, instead, a chef

2nd brother - graduated from NUS IT computing, also not working in this field, worked as a manager in ritz carlton and quited his job to be a hawker under my dad's influence.

eldest sis which is me - in Manjusri, i got merit for new south wales maths..now still in polytechnic applied food science and nutrition, not the best in class and the worst in cohort.

2nd sister - cleverest among us. in primary school, she had taken math olympiac and in EM1 class. she got several awards from table tennis competitions. in tanjong katong girls', she was already in top 5, got awards from new south wales for getting high distinction for science and distinction for maths. by the age of 15, she entered TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE and she is still one of the best students.

youngest sis - entered Anglican high just because the PSLE for her year was freaking easy and it was also due to moderation and thus she got the aggregate of 250. so far no award since young.

okay..let's move on..

today is the shittest day whereby i swear that i will never care about this family except for my 2nd sister.

i have been putting in my effort to satisfy everyone. but today i got the worst lines ever from my dad.

"stop trying to abuse your power and try to put her down. neither are you the creme of the crop. you're trying to act clever . you are nothing. teaching matters leave it to teachers. it's their business to educate my daughter. you are just trying to give her pressure so you can feel the ultimate pleasure and satisfaction in you. you are not in right position to say anything because you are not clever to do so. you are just hungry for power. you are such a selfish person."

so what makes my dad think that he has the right to talk about my academy when he was fired by the school since secondary 1? or i should say he was kicked out of the school. you are only clever or acting wise at the age of 35 where you started reading books but it's all CHINESE BOOKS.
you, as a public speaker, told me all these hurtful things, not even considering that im also a daughter of yours, your image of being someone great and wise is long gone.
i mean it was long GONE. because it wasnt once, it's all the time you are trying to overpower me with your words and anger. finally you have said that piece of your mind letting me know how lousy you think of me and so you think about my sister too.

i dont even know im your daughter. all the things you care is if i were to do anything bad so i were qualified to be a rotten apple. why dont you care about my health? my life? why is all these things bothering you when im not doing anything that spoils your reputation.

i swear that i have done my part as a daughter. to address you in courtesy, to make you feel like you are the best dad by giving you the best father's day, never talk back ever since sec 3, never talk to you impolitely, to concern you everytime you come home from work which gives you plenty of unhappiness and always say "thanks dad and goodbye" when you fetch me to school.

sometimes you said this, sometimes you said that. when are you going to stop your contradictions?
when are you going to stop psycho-ing me with your psychotic illogical words?
dont act profound anymore.
if your listeners were to hear what you this OH-SO-NICE daddy saying nonsense to us, who will be there for your next talk?

for your info, i will never come back to you to plead for your help even if there's a fall in my middle 20 or 30s.
i will be financial independent. your so-called not-very-clever daughter has already grown up and knows how to think for herself.

ALL these shits today wont happen if you were not being biased.
i lost my cool, wanting to shout a word FUCK at you. but i restrained. just want to stop all those screamings. im freaking fucking tired.

at the age of 18, im not jealous about the fact that im no longer your attention and most love is diverted to other siblings.
but why cant there be justice when you jolly well open your BIG BLOODY EYES to see who's right and wrong.

i never like to scream at someone unless the person talks to me impolitely.
being old fashioned or what, courtesy is what i like most if that strength is found in others.
if someone cant talk to me properly, why must i talk nicely to someone who keep yelling at me for no good reasons?

im upset, definitely but more resilient. learning that this family is damn freaking freaking screw up, i thought of putting my plan into action as soon as i graduate from poly and get a stable job. in this family, i can only pour my feelings out in front of my sister not the youngest, i fucking hate her now.
it's always her rebellious acts putting me in such a state.

in a chinese-speaking family with parents whose education is only at secondary school level, not even o level level certificates they earn,
i've tried my best to give my youngest sister whatever resourceful texts so her results would be better.
i've assigned homework - book reviews so that it can ensure that she reads enough and her choice of vocabularies is widen.

for each book review, i give her one week to complete. she had dragged on because her book review was not passable and i gave her another one more week to complete. and then now it's the three week.
she had given me the worst excuse and i tried to talk nicely.
freaking hell, she started screaming at me because i asked for her book review which was yet to be done at the time 10.48 pm.
i left her with two choices [at the point, i was already emotionally unstable, feel like yelling at that pork] - either she hand it in to me before 12am or she forever need not do whatever is for her own good.
the fire in her was burning and she was fuming, trying to argue that she was tired that's why she helped my mum to do some unimportant lame shit things.
3 WEEKS. nothing was produced.

as the eldest sister, i was worrying about her english grades and yet that fat bitch was screaming her throat out at me in front of two old ancient relics.
who stands a chance to win? it can never be me. because im not the youngest and not the best in academic.
GO TO HELL MAN.

out of my concern, i asked how's her book review and when she could submit.
arent i kind enough instead of screaming at her to show my worries?
i have two brothers but in my toughest point of life, they didnt even lend a helping hand.
i fought my way through.
i know partly it was about the age gap which i cant blame on.
being the closest to both sisters, i help whatever i can.
give them my advice when they have problem and help them in some fields that they are not very good in [such as biology, human and anatomy and organic and food chemistry]. never do i thought of using my powers to manipulate them.
I NEVER.
i dote them the most although sometimes i might laugh at them being such fatty bom boms.
i buy some food home because i know my sisters love food.
i share snacks with them knowing that house rule doesnt allow snacks especially for the both of them.
i try to let them learn not to walk my path as it wasnt a pleasant and smooth one.
all i have tried.
then why am i still getting hurt and defame so easily?

sometimes this is the problem of having a fat sister.
FAT BITCH.
cry in the toilet as if she is going to camp inside and explore the toilet.
why cry when you think you are freaking right and did no wrong to me? why cry so badly when you got two relics to help you and i have got no one? since you think im accusing you, then why cry so hard to force your lard tears out of your tooty eyes?
and you lies are running in between your teeth. i didnt even hear an apology from you.
who you are trying to lie to?
be an innocent shit.

anglican high is not a easy school to enter and it's not a very reputable school compared to TKGS which school ranking always in the top few in the whole of singapore.
you with your pig brain juice had changed our decision made for you LAST MINUTE before you threw the confirmation posting paper into the box.
and now you are trying hard to get fame or doing anything to be famous. do you think people want to care what a fat bitch trying to do?
you are such a bloody stupid ugly fat ignorant bitch and worse, having a sister like you, i feel so sucky and yucky.

i shouldnt have care more for you, wasting my time and effort trying to make your dream come true [going to st. andrew JC..now it's a BIG FAT HOPE FOR YOU]. you are just like any ordinary slutty people in poly - BITCH.
now im going to stick closely to be 2nd sister because we have given up hope on YOU. you are not well bred yet you are in such a well bred family.
you failed to be my sister.
neither are you caring, loving nor protective.
at such a young age of 13, you have started to care about your dignity and ego more than us.
siblings' love is the most important in a family.
dont seems like you know that trying all means to stop your sister getting hurt is more important than your ego.

NOW it's 2 against 1.
you can have all the fun to fight with me and fi.
you never win me in voice, in words and even in a fight.
LOSER.
go live your loser life.
you are protected by the two relics i dont care.
one day you will ultimately be that rotten apple. and their jaws will drop and you will give them the best gifts - HEART ATTACKs.

im so glad that i got someone to love me like fifi although she always KAOPEH me but still help me when i need help and i got my dearest Zheng wei to comfort me. unlike you, PORKSTER, cry baby go find daddy and mommy.
i cant be bothered about you from NOW ON.

BITCHZXWZXWXZXZXZXWXZXWXZXXZXZXZX! fuck MAN

Labels: sometimes traditional thinking just pissed me off

Sunday, August 09, 2009, 8:45 PM

Friend U Choose to Keep.

and yes the acronym is F.U.C.K
go think about what you have done. no effort, i see little.
im utterly disappointed with you no matter how many million trillions excuses i try to cover up for you so i wont blame you for certain things.

YOU FREAKING PICK UP A CALL!
NNB.

tmr is the plan and you are not anxious about it. didnt communicate well enough with me.
nothing is done well.
are you serious about everything?
even a simple thing i need you to do..not even a call is made.
i waited like a fool and until i called you, you told me you went home because you were not feeling well. HEY?! how about me? i was on the verge to puke out whatever that went into my gastrointestinal tract and still waiting for you.

have you ever think that i also a ton of work to do like you?
i could selfishly think im the only one who is freaking madly busy with my sch work.
i dont give a damn to your situation. because i didnt sleep for 2 days. and im serious. 2 DAYS. and any other days, i only sleep for 5-6 hours.

is that your cell phone or your house phone? is it too heavy or are you hearing impaired?
you better WOW WOAH WEE pick up the freaking bloody phone.
p/s: you surely think that im angry with you because you dont pick up the phone. but think again..

i hate your excuses.
i lose my patience..
sometimes, humans are just like this. freaking fucking mad.
MADDDDDDD.

bleeding love

Saturday, August 08, 2009, 7:06 PM

why is it always the case..

wee hours

Friday, August 07, 2009, 1:34 AM

now im having trillion and zillions of work to do. can i just take a break from all this shit?
for these few weeks ever since after term test, im working like slaves to pull up my gpa.
cool enough at one go, i settled 2 projects and a few reports.
this is freaking killing ME!
at this wee hour, im still chionging my log book so i can be one of those good student. hardworking?
HAHAHA. huiwen is never hardworking. i always give up when i try to be like one D:

WEEEE..it feel super duper good to stay alone in a room, surfing the net while doing my bloody stupid work.
but this feeling is not as good as having someone to skype with you like EP:D

im such a crazy bitch because i often have mood swing (because i dont get my sleep...not even a wink) and become a little paranoid. LOL!
but im still me of course. not losing the properties of myself.

RAR im dying.
everything now is not in my comfort zone. i crazily struggle to get what i want..even food.
i show lose of interest in home cook food and started to binge eat in school.
for your info, binge eating means eating in large amount at once and refusal to eat most of the time.
but when my carvings come back for home cooked food, my mum will not even call me wake up for dinner which she usually does and let me sleep till i thought i missed school the next day [in my dreams. it's usually about 8 plus 9?]
wonder if one day i will be suffering from some nervosa because i really dont feel like eating now.
but how can someone whose study specialize in food science and nutrition give up in eating?
RAR..im getting evem more paranoid when i learn about microbiology.
everytime, if i use soap, i will wash my hands in the correct method before i start to imagine that pathogenic microbes are multiplying on the surface of my skin.
freak.

then when i was exposed more to the nutrition side, i always thought that i was such a fatty and it's time to cut down weight when my bmi is only 19.5 [my weight is about 51 now and height is 162..previously my BMI about 20.3]?
ideal bmi yet not content. maybe because i brought myself back to secondary school days when i was a fatty bombom. WTH.

remember that i yelled at pris, pissed off with her for not eating her meals on regular basis.
her health status was worrying me because i started to see her as some old haggards. her face was yellowish, hair was dropping and fringe part nearly bald, her eyes were always tired, she was left with little fats and muscles because her protein was not spared and it was used to provide her energy. that period, i was suspecting that she was having anorexic nervosa.

so now pris might want to take a full revenge. she can yell and scream at me.
but im on medical terms now. i felt this way because there's side effect. all the time im feeling nausea (michelle said that it was morning sickness. because i was joking telling them that i prefer a shot gun marriage) HAHAHA!

at this point now, im still stuck at practical 7 and having 3 conclusions each of 3 practicals undone D:

what sia... MA DE.

and im super naggy today because it's again, FRIDAY!
how many fridays do i have before my main exam? =.=

p/s: i thought that i could take care of my nephew but my sis-in-law is a special woman with weird thinkings who prefers a baby sitter who is not blood related to her or her child to us who will love her child like ours. conclusion: women who are very successful in carreer more than marriage are usually having some problems in their psychological thinking.
BAD SHIT. my mum was ranting about not seeing her grandson and apparently she forgot that Issac is the name of her grandson. maybe she always assume that JJ was his christian name -.=

BYE-s

Tuesday, August 04, 2009, 10:48 PM

i failed.

im not even the better..how would you even get the best?

and who is there to comfort me when i need someone to lend me the shoulder to cry on? who to care for my feelings?

_|_ blame myself. hate me. fuck. kill me, someone. NOW

SUPER SUNDAY

Sunday, August 02, 2009, 10:48 PM

hey it's SUNDAY MORNING! first thing we did in the morning is to do a pre-order for my brother. chocz cake, small and expensive D: 30 dollars flew away~

then we headed to city hall to buy EP's presentation outfit :D
okay i saw this cool ice cream. it's savoury! parmesan cheese with hazelnut..EWWW but the first few taste was really really amazing.

EW..weird.

and EP bought me something pink.

so i will never lose my EZ link AGAIN..no more 3rd time in the year D:

AND he bought happy meal because i wanted this hello kitty thing..i never like hello kitty okay! i like this hot pink apple.

HEHE