define what's within
if i ain't got you baby
i'm huiwen.
eighteen.
28march91.
attached <3.
redfoxventures.
temasekpolytechnic
Layout: vehemency
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AHKEI
BOMB
PRIS
AMANDA
ANDRINA
HANGQI
WANLING
KEN FATASS
NAVJOTH
TOHWEE
EDDIE
SHAWN
NICHOLAS CHEN
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to priscilla's request
Friday, February 05, 2010, 9:44 PM
PART IIim angry. and you know im short tempered and have very low tolerance when i know it is wrong yet no one is doing anything to salvage the problem.
i was from a UG and although it is a fucked up CCA, my passion never died till the very end when i graduated. after i graduated, my interests in planning and pioneering grew. i decided to join mjr scout ventures. i planned for camps and activities (carwashing and jobweek and that stupid leader didnt go according to my schedule on that actual day) and i tried my first time pioneering my own campsite when i just learnt pioneering that very day. i dont mind being bullied and asked to do all the shitty jobs because i seriously like camps and i like the team spirit built during all the trainings.
i like to design and draw out my inspirations. it might be simple. but i swear upon crossing my heart, it will turn out to be impressive. i drew throughout my own UG life and people will always look for me when it comes to drawing (because they simply dont use their brain to express their own creative which i believe everyone have it when borned just that they dont use it wisely from start).
no matter how much my boyfriend disagree with me being in this scout ventures, i was still that committed until one day we were on the verge of breaking up.
until the last camp, i had seen the true colours of my leaders. i hate them for being hypocrites. after showing so much initiative and effort, i was not appreciated because they felt that im not in the right position to talk to them (they denied this truth when i told them that they are like this, whatever). they crossed their hearts saying that they wont tell others about my honest feedback but i think they are borned with crooked mouths. they leaked it like nobody business. okay means like a backstab. walls have ears and it travels to my ears. (seriously, if you were to know me well, if i know something is not right and you dont mind me being straightforward, i will just say it in your face but not to everyone because i want to save some face for you.)
my own leader didnt want to admit the explicit that there is politic going on in our group and it made me hate this venture more.
maybe because i like things to be perfect like how i treat my work (such as drawing, planning and so on).
leaders are always contradicting. they were never united and always giving us feedback telling us that we are not united. unity is what they should do to show us.
some people think highly of themselves and never bother to listen.
in such a group, there will never be improvement.
maybe some of the scouts will read this (i will never say MY scouts since i never take them since their first year).
but i dont give a damn. this is the truth and i really cant take it.
not attending the campfire meetings because of my hectic life. some of the scouts might be complaining that we did nth. but you have no idea how poly life can kill especially courses with labs and experiments.
i have clearly told eddie that i would not be attending any of the meetings but will show my work.
i took my effort and time off to find a suitable picture. (up till now i cant believe that we got a stupid name for our campfire theme - freak park? why not thriller?)
i drew a freaking roller coaster that needed alot of details. although it is a draft not to be confirmed.
today i was informed that it will be the design for sign in board instead of the backdrop. why cant this be informed earlier so that i can think of what to draw?
i really think it is fuck up because i was thinking if the drawing suits to be backdrop, would it be too bombastic that no one could see from far?
i volunteered myself to help, and im not informed of anything, not even minutes thru my mail.
it really disappoints me. this whole thing makes me feel like im taken for granted.
for the start of my 2nd semester of my 2nd year, i do my projects almost until every dawn for good 2 months and yet have to think of the design. (i've promised eddie that i will try my best)
TODAY, i have made my decision:
Scouts and Ventures will never be in my priority list. i wont show my commitment anymore. you can start praying or get wonderful assistant scout venture leader to help.
on that campfire day, the scouts can start to get panic and go get all my seniors and juniors back to help. whatever, i dont give a damn, you die on your own. i could have helped if things were to be said earlier and nicely.
overall, i truely regretted joining a lousy CCA. should have joined tp inline skating and i wont have to quarrel with my best friend (priscilla) and my boyfriend so many times over this CCA.